18 Things Men Said After Sex That Made Women Immediately Regret Their Decision To Sleep With Them

"Whoopsie daisy!"

Hello and welcome to another episode of, "The trials and tribulations of being a straight woman." Today, we're discussing the downsides of hetero sex.

Rockstar Games

Reddit user u/Pity-Pinoy broached an important topic when they asked women on the platform to share "the dumbest thing" a guy has ever said to them after sex. Here are the most gobsmacking replies:

1. "I have a tattoo of the world on my back. This guy was banging me doggy style and pulled out to cum on my back. He then exclaimed, 'Woah, there’s a tsunami in Australia!' I fell on my face laughing so hard."

NBC

—mizzlol

2. "He said. 'Alexa, play You’re welcome,' and the speakers from each side of his bed began to serenade us with Dwayne The Rock Johnson’s voice as Maui from Moana. Luckily we both got a pretty good laugh out of it."

—tejavuu

3. "I gave a dude a blowjob and apparently he’d never cum from one before (who knows if that was true). Anyway, after he goes, 'Oh my god. That was amazing. I thought there was something wrong with me. You need to have daughters.'"

—karmax7chameleon

4. "After he finished too quickly he said, 'Whoopsie daisy!'"

—queenofallyourdreams

5. "He told me, with all the sincerity in the world, 'You would make a great single mother.'"

Bounce

—painted_again

6. "I've said a lot of stupid shit. The worst was probably, 'Do you like egg sandwiches?'"

—Its-my-dick-in-a-box

7. “He said, 'Mind if I hit this?' and then he pulled out a vape pen he’d hidden under the bed. My bed. Specifically for this reason."

—sharknadothree

8. "I had sex with a guy I dated for a few months and afterwards he said, 'Your vagina is smaller than other vaginas I’ve had sex with.' I wasn’t sure if it was a compliment, criticism, or a mere observation."

—Thunder_Moose25

9. "I was snuggling with my boyfriend in the afterglow and I looked up at him and asked, 'What are you thinking about?' — thinking he would say something sweet. This bitch deadass looks down at me and says, 'Mud flaps.'"

FX

—Nataface

10. "'Hey, don't tell anyone about last night. I get enough shit for being vegan.' A phrase that has stuck with me for 10+ years. Not so much 'dumb' as it is cruel."

—hermeigh

11. "'Okay are we done?' I guess he was too afraid to ask whether or not I came and that was his way of doing it."

—larrieuxa

12. "He didn’t say it, but afterwards he grabbed his phone and went on a tracking app and tracked that he had sex that day."

—seeshawshow

13. "Cuddling in the afterglow, he's gazing adoringly at my nude body, and whispers...'I've just never seen boobs as small as yours.'"

NBC

—MissPlaceDApostrophe

14. "My partner will sometimes slap my ass afterwards and say, 'Good game!'"

—ixnay_ixpay

15. "Dude tried to give me a compliment by saying I have 'plump pussy lips.' Dude did not realize that was borderline weird to say."

—soggypapad

16. "I was cuddling a guy after sex one time and he told me he was 'leaking testosterone all over me.'"

—d3646262

17. "After sex, my guy collapsed on top of me. When he pulled back, our sweaty chests somehow made a small suction squelch noise. His romantic next words? 'Hehehe boob farts.'"

CNN

—kingoftwosinks

18. And finally, "I think I miss my ex."

—katz332

Some submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.

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8 comments

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  • ricemice93
    2 hours ago
    Some of these were actually funny. The best sex does actually involve laughter sometimes.
    10
  • witchyribbon84
    2 hours ago
    My husband and I will get intense and say the "I love you" after and all that, but sometimes, man, we just have a laugh. One of our favorites after we're spent is "good night," and it's like, 3 in the afternoon. Or we open the door and say "who's the pervert?" We have 2 cats and a...
    4
  • rayr463e676bd
    1 hour ago
    The whoopsie daisy one was endearing. Better than some of the garbage guys say
    1
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